I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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