i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
