You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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