Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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