a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
