I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
