My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
