how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
