I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
