I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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