So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
