he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
