genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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