Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
