Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
