I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
