At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
