Tell her she can't have a vagina
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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