Quick, to the slutcave!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I deserve this hangover.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
