well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
