I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
