East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your cock deserves a montage
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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