im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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