Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
