You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
