I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
