Nicole vs. Life
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
