when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
