Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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