so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love you.
Bad choice
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
