I'm drive I can fine osifer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
