He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
