She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize