Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
time to smoke my breakfast
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
