Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MIDGETS
????
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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