She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
