if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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