True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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