And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
