I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
