Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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