Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
