there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
