carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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