He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
