i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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