U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
