How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i now understand why vodka
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
