i was rollin on her like bob the builder
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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