dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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