I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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