When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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