i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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