I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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