No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
