Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize