why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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