so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
