We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
