It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
