I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
