I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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