they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I did not marry a roomba.
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