I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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