Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
