I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
