He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
