Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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