i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
