She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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