Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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