I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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