I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
